Pull Me Back From the Ledge
by InMySoul
Summary: Alec had always been sad. But he never actually wanted to DIE. He loved his siblings and his family. He believed that eventually things would get better. Alec had always believed that some day things would be okay for him. Of course, that ended the night his father caught him in bed with another guy. AU, MALEC, WARNING: RATED M FOR LEMONS, SUICIDE ATTEMPT & SELF HARM


_My legs are dangling off the edge_

_The bottom of a bottle is my only friend_

_I think I'll slit my wrists again_

_And I'm gone, gone, gone, gone_

_My legs are dangling off the edge_

_A stomach full of pills didn't work again_

_I'll put a bullet in my head_

_And I'm gone, gone, gone, gone_

_Gone too far, yeah I'm gone again_

_It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends_

_I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends_

_One's a bottle of pills, one's a bottle of gin_

_I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top_

_I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off_

_Asphalt to me has never looked so soft_

_I bet my mama found my letter, now she's calling the cops_

_I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it_

_'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance_

_Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent_

_'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is_

_I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife_

_But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice_

_I never bought a suit before in my life_

_But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice_

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow_

_Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow_

_We hit the sky, there goes the light_

_No more sun, why's it always night?_

_When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream_

_When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?_

_We feel a little pity but don't empathize_

_The old are getting older, watch a young man die_

_A mother and a son and someone you know_

_Smile at each other and realize you don't_

_You don't know what happened to that kid you raised_

_What happened to the father who swore he'd stay?_

_I didn't know 'cause you didn't say_

_Now mama feels guilt, yeah mama feels pain_

_When you were young you never thought you'd die_

_Found that you could but too scared to try_

_You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye_

_Climb to the roof to see if you could fly_

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow_

_Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow_

_My legs are dangling off the edge_

_The bottom of a bottle is my only friend_

_I think I'll slit my wrists again_

_And I'm gone, gone, gone, gone_

_I wish that I could fly_

_Way up in the sky_

_Like a bird so high_

_Oh, I might just try_

_Oh, I might just try_

_Bullet- Hollywood Undead_

**Well since I've been feeling very sad recently I decided I want to write a fic about suicide, self-harm and depression. And of course, who better to base it around than Malec?**

**So yeah. Don't worry, I'll be okay though XD No suicide attempts for me. Just gunna get out the negative emotionssss**

OOOO-LINEBREAK-OOOO

Alec had always been sad.

He'd tried drugs and alcohol and yeah, he wore long sleeves for reasons other than being cold.

But he never actually wanted to DIE.

He loved his siblings and his family. He believed that eventually things would get better.

That whatever was broken in his brain would eventually fix itself and he'd learn how to be happy and normal.

He thought that maybe even one day that he'd be able to come out as gay.

Alec Lightwood had always believed that some day things would be okay for him.

Of course, that ended the night his father caught him in bed with another boy.

Him and Scott hadn't really been dating. They'd hooked up a few times. Neither was ready to come out of the closet yet and they didn't feel much emotional connection to one another.

It was simply a situation of two teenage boys looking for a convenient way to deal with the hormones, but weren't interested in girls. It was just common sense.

What wasn't common sense was inviting Scott back to his house to finally go all the way.

Alec was a 16 year old virgin, probably the only one out of the three elder Lightwoods and he thought that he was ready to take that step.

He'd planned to leave the lights off so that Scott wouldn't see the scars on his wrists, even though they had a strict agreement not to get involved in each other's personal lives.

Things had been going well. Alec's shirt was unbuttoned although his arms and shoulders were still covered and his jeans unbuttoned. Scott's shirt was long gone and his own pants halfway off as they gasped and ran their hands over each other.

Although shy, Alec was enjoying himself immensely. They had been going slow and languid; soft kisses and light touches setting both their bodies on fire.

Then things had happened very very quickly, much to quickly for Alec to fully register.

A door slammed open and a furious voice caused them to pull apart, staring at the doorway in shock and terror.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON HERE?!" Robert Lightwood roared, his deep voice vibrating through the room.

"D-d-dad…!" Alec said, his voice cracking as Scott scrambled off Alec, muttering a terrified apology and grabbing his clothes. He darted by Robert, narrowly avoiding being grabbed and ran out the door.

Alec heard the front door slam and let out a slight breath of relief.

But that relief wasn't long-lived.

A blinding pain struck Alec across the face, sending him spinning onto the floor.

He lay there in shock, blinking stupidly.

His father had hit him.

Fingers knotted in Alecs hair and he gave a shout of pain as he was dragged to his feet and spun to face Roberts red and enraged face

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ALEXANDER WHY WAS THAT BOY IN YOUR BED KISSING YOU?!"

Alecs mouth moved soundlessly, utterly stunned by the violence his usually reserved father was showing towards him

"D-dad…"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME DAD! YOU AREN'T MY SON" Robert screamed, the veins bulging grossly in his neck as he threw Alec into the hallway

"NO SON OF MINE IS A FUCKING FAGGOT!" He continued, striking Alec across the face again.

Propelled backwards again by the force of his fathers blow, Alec found himself at the top of the grand staircase.

He found his foot on the edge of the top stair

"D-dad just wait!" He pleaded, tears burning in his eyes.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

Don't you dare cry.

"Alec? Dad? What's with all the shouting?" Isabelle asked, coming out of her own room in time to see Robert shove his hand into her older brothers chest, propelling him backwards down the stairs.

"DAD!" Isabelle screamed.

That was the last thing Alec heard before blacking out.

**So now I'll spend the next six hours trying not to cry til I pass out from exhaustion. Cheers everyone.**

**Read and Review 3 **


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